apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Randomize
