Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
