did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Randomize
