I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
