He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
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