My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Randomize
