my vag is so smooth its legendary
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
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