A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize
