could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
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