I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Randomize
