"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
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If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
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drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
you made out with another girl for some wings
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
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