And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
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