3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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