Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
