Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Randomize
