the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
