I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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