3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
Randomize
