I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
