Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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