Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
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