I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
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