Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
