The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Randomize
