I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Randomize
