pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Randomize
