If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
