I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
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