I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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