I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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