You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Randomize