I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
