Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
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