Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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