I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
Randomize
