bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
this just has baby written all over it
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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