I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
Sext me about skeletons
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
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