I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Randomize
