Betty ford says i'm here all night
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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