3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
21 Of The Most Regrettable Tattoo Ideas Ever
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
These 25 People Had Very Inappropriate Sexual Relations(hips)
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again