when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
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No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
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I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.