Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?