Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
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