So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Randomize
