i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
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