I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
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