I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
how does that bad decision feel?
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
