You were right. It hurts to walk today.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
