Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
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He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
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Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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