I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Randomize
