I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
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