please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
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