take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Randomize
