I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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