I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
