dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Randomize