Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
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