can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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