You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Randomize
