He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
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I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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