I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
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