dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Randomize
